Last Day with Ms. Kim

Every time we are getting ready to go to the clinic, Joshua asks me if we have to see Ms. Kim today. Ms. Kim is fine person. She laughs easily, talks about her 3 sweet kiddos with great joy, and is really good at her job. Unfortunately, Kim's job at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital is the resident spinal tap expert. She performs around 15 a day. Another fact about her job is that in order to get through Ms. Kim, you must first see the anesthesiology team. Which, to a kid, means no food until you are finished seeing Ms. Kim.

Joshua is very aware of that last point. Joshua has been getting chemo pumped into his spinal fluid every 12 weeks for 3 years. And to him, the waiting to eat part is the worst. I do have memories of the first few spinal taps, which also included bone marrow aspirations. It was during the time that Joshua was steroids for a continuous 45 days or so. He was starving and not sleeping well. He would wake up at 5 and not be able to eat until after we saw Ms. Kim. It was a terrible long time to wait for a 2 year old even when she would let us go right at 9:30. Yesterday was not nearly that dramatic. Joshua waited very patiently. But with fleeting memories of those first days, we were all anxious to be finished with this final procedure of its kind.

Our turn finally came around about 11:00. The anesthesiology tech came to listen to Joshua and make sure he was clear for sedation. This part didn't go so well. After being sick this weekend, Joshua was still wheezing and neither the anesthesiology tech nor the anesthesiologist felt comfortable putting Joshua under with a cough. Finally, they decided he could have a few breathing treatments and press on with the procedure.

After he was finished with the procedure, I went to see him in the recovery room. He was so sweet sleeping, I had to snap a picture. He woke up to his favorite cherry coke icee and was wheeled away to Jason's Deli for a celebratory lunch with Daddy and Andi.

I truly felt like yesterday was a huge hurdle to cross on the way to finish line. Somehow, it made the end feel like it was possible. Dr. Engle, whom I respect greatly, did give us a some great advice. He reminded us that the end of treatment can be really scary. It is a normal feeling and it is better to confront your feelings now than to wait until the end has come and gone. So, that's just what we are trying to do. And celebrate a little, too!