6 months

Can it really be?! She is growing up so fast.

Back and Forth

Joshua has had a rough couple of days. Wednesday ended with a trip to the ER because Joshua had a fever. Fortunately his counts were high enough for him to come home. Same thing happened on Friday morning. Joshua went back to the hospital for an antibiotic and they once again discharged him to come home. Would you please pray along with us that these fevers that we have dealt with for a couple of months now would go away? It's getting old going back and forth.

It's also sort of an ever-present reminder that even though Joshua is in remission, he's not necessarily healthy. It's easy to forget that since he's done so well, but it's days like this that remind us of it.

Thanks for continuing to pray alongside of us.

One Year Later...

So today is October 18, 2007, the one year anniversary of when Joshua was diagnosed with leukemia. What an awful day. Jana and I talked for a while about what we wanted to do for this blog; we thought about doing a "thankful" post, we thought about doing a "review" post, we thought about being funny, sad, or incredibly spiritual. In the end, we decided to go with some of each. So here, on the one year anniversary, are just a few observations from the last year:

1. Joshua has a wicked cowlick. We never knew it until his hair fell out and started coming back, but he is destined for a life of frustration with barbers who cut him just a little too short.

2. People's words are not as important as their presence. One of the most meaningful times we have had was when a year ago, we sat in the hospital waiting room with some good people and watched the World Series. And we didn't talk about cancer.

3. God uses the Church to remind the Church of Him. In moments when you are tempted to forget who the Lord is in your life, God uses people in your community to remind you of Himself.

4. Vanderbilt Children's Hospital makes an incredible grilled cheese sandwich.

5. Faith is not the absence of questions and doubt. Faith is the ability to move forward despite questions and doubt.

6. Joshua is brave. We never imagined he would go through something like this, and we never imagined being as proud of him as we are for doing it with courage.

7. The common denominator of humanity is pain, and everybody medicates their pain somehow.

8. The question of "Why?" is not nearly as important as we thought it might have been.

9. Nurses could care less if you are naked. When they knock, they're coming in.

10. Joshua is teaching us to live in the moment. I think during these times you can either fall into thinking about life before the cancer, or losing yourself in what might come in the future. But Joshua lives in the now. Tomorrow he may feel bad, and yesterday he might have felt much better, but right now, there are trains to be played with and puzzles to be put together. Maybe faith doesn't so much give you the ability to face the future as it gives you the ability to live in the present without having to resort to the past or the future.

11. The second child is more laid back than the first one.

12. The Lord doesn't offer or owe explanations of His decisions. But we have come to believe that He somehow feels the pain of His children more deeply than we do. He may not offer explanations, but He offers tears.

13. Life really is a journey, not a destination. An interesting "seminary" tidbit here - the terminology "relationship with Christ" is not found anywhere in Scripture. We made that up. Instead of that, the Bible talks about a "walk." But here is the interesting thing: the word "walk" in Hebrew means "human locomotion without any indication of destination." So evidently a walk with Christ is more about the process than the end. To walk with Jesus is not to look up every 5 minutes asking, "Where are we going? What is my job going to be? Who am I going to marry? Where am I going to live?" It is to walk. Those questions come up in the conversation as you move together.

14. It is really, really great to know that you are loved.

So there you go, just a few things from the last year. Maybe you want to add yours, not about us necessarily but about your last year. How are you different? What have you observed? We'd love to know.

Daddy and Daughter

As all of you already know, Michael is an amazing father. This weekend Andi got the chance to see it first hand. Michael and Andi traveled together to see our family back in Texas. The trip was originally planned for all of us, but in light of Joshua's recent hospital stays we decided to keep him close to home. (He's doing great, by the way!) Michael flew all day Friday and is flying back on Monday, seeing lots of friends and family in the meantime. If you have ever traveled with an infant, you know this is no small task. I am very proud of Michael for tackling what few men would attempt, for wanting to spend time with his daughter, and mostly, for not thinking it is any big deal.

This was taken just before they left for the airport....not a bit of nerves on either of them.



I love the way Andi is looking up at her daddy here. So sweet!

Her Latest and Greatest

Well, Andi has been more than a champ during this last crazy month. She has gone with the flow, allowing many kind people to care for her while we at the hospital or in transition. She would like to thank the all of you for loving her so well. Here are a few of them.....Gram, Wednesday night group, Sarah, Becca, Sarah Grace, Melissa, Allison, Ms. Barbara from the clinic, Jessie and Jessie, all the clinic nurses, Jen, GCC nursery workers, Ms. Faith, CBS nursery workers and many more not named. We love you all.

Andi has also managed progress in her skill set quite quickly.

Here she is sitting up by herself. Not for very long, mind you, but sitting none the less.


Here she is getting up on her knees ready to crawl. The crawling isn't official. It is more of a lunge right now.


Finally, here she is laughing at me while I try to snap a shot of her two new teeth.

Back to Business

We are now officially through one week without fever. That hasn't happened in six weeks. Michael and I were so thankful that we both slept in (at least until the kids woke us up).

Joshua's blood counts were all way up. That is great news, but this life of leukemia is a bit tricky. Counts being up means that Joshua starts chemo all over again. They are starting him on much smaller doses at home to ease his body back into the rigor of the treatment, but next week Joshua starts his monthly treatments again. Next Wednesday, Joshua will receive intraveneous chemo, increase his oral chemo, and go back on steroid for at least five days. We haven't had to do steroids in a while because of the hospital stays. I can't say that I want to go back to the hospital, but going back on steroids is not very appealing either.

Joshua also got his first flu shot yesterday. Once again he proved to be the brave little one we all know and love. Michael and I are scheduled to have our shot next week and we are encouraging all of Joshua's sweet friends (young and old?) to do the same.

Please continue to pray that the antibiotic keeps the fever away and that Joshua responds well to the chemo dosing.

With counts high and the weather cool, Joshua, Andi and I are headed to the ZOO! Joshua is excited to see the monkeys. OOH OOH AHH AHH AHH!

Ways to Amuse a 3-Year-Old at the Hospital

Sinusitus?!

Not what we expected. After all the tests, Joshua has a really bad sinus infection. This is good news because we have answers and the doctors have a plan. Joshua was sent home with three weeks of antibiotics. If the fevers continue, a procedure to remove the build up in his sinuses will be performed. If they continue still, more tests. We will pray that the antibiotics do the work and that the hospital stays are coming to an end. We are due at the clinic again on Wednesday to check counts and start chemo again. It feels strange, but I am looking forward to a Wednesday.

We are happy to be home and are thankful for all of the prayers you have prayed.

Testing

So... writing from the hospital again. We went basically six months with no real indicents, and then we hit September. Since September 1, we have been to the ER 6 times, to the clinic 13 times, and spent 9 nights in the hospital. This is number 10.

Joshua got a good report at his clinic visit today; counts were up, looking good. Then he woke up from his nap with a 102 degree fever. Back to the clinic. Because this has happened with such frequency over this month, our doctor said it was time to take a "more aggressive approach" to finding out what's causing it. His thinking was that given the continuing nature of these fevers, maybe they are all being caused by the same thing. Now we try and figure out what that thing might be.

Just some possibilities - it might be a pocket of infection built up somewhere in Joshua's body, like in his belly or in his sinuses. And if that's the case, the infection might be viral. It might be fungal. It might be alot of things. But we'd sure like to know what it is so that it can be treated and we can quit coming back here every 2 days. Anyway, we were hoping that we could once again mobilize this army of praying friends for our little boy. There are alot of things about this hospital visit that feel weird to us - we looking for something else wrong with Joshua, there's more testing involved, and other stuff - it just feels more like the days when Joshua was first diagnosed with leukemia a year ago than we are comfortable with. So we're a little on edge.

Over the next few days, we are going to have alot of x-rays and cat scans to try and figure out what the deal is. So would you please pray that the doctors would find out quickly what's causing this fever and that it would be easily treatable once it's identified? It would mean alot to us.