The Aroma of Memories

A few weeks ago, I was walking through Granny White Park and I was struck by the scent coming from a man smoking a pipe. I've never particularly enjoyed the smell of smoke, but this time it brought back a flood of memories and I immediately began to tear up. My dad smoked a pipe for a very short time, but during that time, he took it on all our family vacations. At night, after all the malls were closed, we would be back at the hotel swimming and dad would be sitting by the pool smoking his pipe. Somehow, that smell, on that day, took me back to some wonderful memories of our family being together.

My dad is still battling against a terrible disease. I posted about it several months ago. I have had the privilege of visiting him in Texas with Joshua and Andi a few times in the last months. He is still losing weight and becoming more and more frail. He also has very few times when he is coherent of time and place. Every now and then, he will surprise me with a chuckle at a story or whisper a quick rebuttal to something I say. In those moments, I feel like my dad is with me again. But more often, when I get the chance to sit with him, it just makes me miss him all the more. Much like the smell of the pipe, it makes me wish we were still making memories of family vacations and talking about the next bike race he was planning to enter. 

My mom, my sisters, and their families live close to dad and I am so thankful they are there to visit often and keep me up to date on how he is doing. Today, there is no particular reason for me to ask this, but will you pray for him? I know you have done it so many times for us before, but please pray that he is comforted in the midst of this. That his body will have fewer aches today and that his mind will allow him to remember happier times. Also, pray for the endurance of my family as they continue to be a day to day part of his well-being. Thank you once again.

Answering the Questions

When you tell the world that you are pregnant, there is inevitably a list of questions that are either spoken or at least thought. This is my attempt to answer those questions...

Q:  Was it planned or did it "just happen"?

A:  If you know Michael and I very well at all, we are planners, at least in this area. With each child, it has been a clear, thought out process. This particular time, we had been wanting to get pregnant for several months, but didn't want to have another baby during Joshua's treatment. I had pondered waiting to even get pregnant until he was finished (December 20, in case I haven't mentioned enough), but I feel like it was a step of faith on my part to proceed with what my heart was desiring rather than over-thinking it.

Q:  How far along are you?

A:  I am right around 7 weeks. With Joshua and Andi we waited until we were around 10 weeks to tell everyone. But this time, I literally could not keep it in. I am just so excited. We love our kids so much and we have so much fun together. I can't wait to welcome another little one into our lives.

Q:  When are you due?

A:  I guess if you wanted to do the math, I could leave you to it. But, if not, the due date should be around January 13th. I haven't been to the doc yet so I'm sure that could change.

Q:  Have you been to the doctor yet?

A: No. I don't go until June 12th. That was way to long for me to wait to tell you all.

Q:  How are you feeling?

A:  I feel great. I've never had any sickness with my pregnancies and I guess this one is no different (so far). I'm just a little more hungry and tired, but eating and sleeping more is kinda nice.

Q:  How did you tell your kids?

A:  Andi was pretty easy. I told her mommy was going to have a baby and she brought me her baby doll. Easy enough. 

Joshua was a little different. I told Joshua before bed tonight as we were reading about the angels telling the shepherds of Jesus' birth (very fitting). Initially his eyes got big and he hugged me. Then, it came. The question...."How did you get a baby in your tummy?" Well,  Joshua, God has made a special way for a mommy and a daddy to.... Right about then, he asks, "Did you swallow a little baby without chewing and it went straight into your belly?" Uh, yeah, something like that. If you have any more questions about that, you can ask your daddy. Let's keep reading the story. Whew. Glad that is done for now.

Q:  Is it a boy or a girl?

A:  This question is for the one that is not familiar with the pregnancy cycle. I won't know until between 16 and 20 weeks.

Q:  Do you and Michael have a preference for either another boy or another girl?

A:  We have both expressed our thoughts Me, a girl. Michael, a boy. Figures. We both have our round about reasons, but of course, we will be so excited whichever we are blessed with.

So, that is all that I could think of. If you have any more, please feel free to ask away.

Guess What?

Michael Is My Hero

He did it. He put our new play gym together and did a great job. The kids have not stopped playing on it. They are overjoyed!

The Sin of Not Waiting

Last night, Joshua took his last dose of steroids for the month. So, the side effects will slowly fade away throughout today. All in all, this week has not been that bad. Thursday, however, was a very tough day for Joshua. He woke up with very bad allergies, achy from the previous day's chemo, and highly irritable from the steroids. Joshua spent most of the morning crying and screaming. I didn't know what to do. He refused to go to Mother's Day Out and did not want rest on the couch. Finally, at around 10:30, I fed him and Andi lunch and put them both back to bed. I needed to regroup. 

By the end of the day, Joshua started to perk up and even made it to a friend's birthday party. Me, on the other hand...I felt like a failure. I couldn't understand why, out of all the days we've shared together with the same crazy drugs, I couldn't figure out how to make this one better. I stayed calm all day. I went through the motions and phrases to try and comfort Joshua, but my heart was so weary. I just wanted it all to be over with.

Then, yesterday, at church, our pastor spoke on "The Sin of Not Waiting" from the first 8 verses of Exodus 32, when Aaron fashioned a golden calf while waiting for Moses to return from the mountain. Scott talked about the sadness of the passage. How sad it was that the people chose their temporary satisfaction, the relieving of their fears and discomforts, over waiting for the Lord to speak through Moses. 

Even though I know the exact date that Joshua's treatment will come to an end, I still feel the pull of waiting. As I give into the anxiety of waiting, I feel myself giving in to my fears, being selfish, and using other things to fill my time. With the message yesterday, I realize that waiting for the Lord to get us through to the next phase of life will allow me to know the Lord and love others well. 

Waiting is a part of life, but most of the time I see it as something to just get through. I want to be a better "waiter" than that, one that waits with hope in the future, but recognizes the value of the process in getting there.

Clinic Day

Just a heads up that we're headed to the clinic today. It's a big one - Joshua's 12 week scheduled appointment. Today he'll get chemo through his port as well as during a spinal tap, followed by 5 days of steroids. 

It's getting a little old, so I did some calendar counting: God willing, we have only 2 more spinal taps after today before the end of Joshua's treatment.

Pushing on...

A Birthday Song

I know I already posted about Andi's birthday, but I just couldn't resist this video.

Andi is 2!

When Joshua was diagnosed in October of 2006, being pregnant seemed to be so difficult. But as the months wore on, God carefully revealed to me his hope as we awaited your arrival. For the last 2 years, you have been an amazing joy to each of us. As your words become more and more clear, I can see God molding you into a compassionate and caring daughter, sister and friend. I don't think it is by accident that you are the first to hug Joshua after a long day at the clinic or that you are the first to curl her lip with me when I start to tear up. Your tenderness and joy is infectious. 

We are excited to see all that God has in store for your next year. We will continue to pray as your life verse says, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

It was a joy to celebrate with you today. Happy Birthday, Andi.

One day old.

One year old.

Two years old.

Florida--Our Last Day

On our last day in Florida we decided to let the kids play at Give Kids the World until our checkout time. They took full advantage.

Characters from all the parks came on different days. This last day we saw Goofy, Pluto, Mickey, Minnie, and Belle. A great last day.

This is the arcade with a putt-putt coarse attached. We spent lots of time there. Notice the Pac-Man game was not being shared with the kids. Michael and I love a little friendly competition. That's how we ended up our first date in fact (a little side note of info for you). 

I see two princesses.

Later that day, we went to Islands of Adventure. This is in Suess Land. Wonderful!

This and the tuck in are Joshua's favorite stories to tell right now. You can read all about this experience on Michael blog here.

After our short visit to that park, we headed to the airport. Andi is expressing all our feelings here. "Ah, a great week, but traveling kinda stinks."

A little sparkling water in the limo on the way home. Not a bad way to finish out an amazing week.

We want to say thank you once again for praying us through this wonderful experience. It was a magical week that we will never forget. And a special thanks to Mom and Dad Kelley (aka, Gram and PaPaw) for coming with us on our experience, taking care of the fort when we were at the hospital, and generally just loving all their kids well.