Compassion

This Wednesday marks the start of the next 12 week cycle of Joshua's treatment. He will go in for the monthly check-up, including Vincristin (chemo) through his port, and the beginning of the 5 days of steroids. This week will also include Methotrexate (also chemo) pushed into his spinal fluid. 

Joshua has done all of this before. We know the drill. This process is not new. All of that being said, it still completely stinks. What we've learned over the last year and a half is that the week of the spinal tap brings the greatest amount of side effects. The chemotherapy combined with the steroids cause Joshua to be moody, irritable, anxious, uncomfortable, tired, and generally unhappy. 

In church yesterday, I found myself asking God to give me greater compassion for Joshua as he faces his treatment this week. I feel so guilty for even having to pray this. I expect people around Joshua to have compassion to his plight, but here I am, as his mother, needing more compassion for him. When Joshua is yelling about his Crispix being in the wrong bowl, the tug-of-war with our emotions begins. I remind myself it is the medicine making him so frustrated, but fight with the responsibility of teaching Joshua in that moment. I am asking God to make my heart tender to him rather than always thinking about what is best.

Will you join me? Please pray that Joshua's pain is minimal, that the side effects move by quickly, and that we would manage the emotions of this week with grace, love, and compassion.