Hold That Second Thought

Why oh why is it so hard to say the right thing to someone living in crisis, or in our case, living on the edge of crisis? I know that I have done it, too. You want to say the thing that makes the person in crisis feel cared for and loved, but then you keep talking. It is my observation that the second thought is always the one that could be left out. The initial reaction is kind, considerate and full of understanding. The second comes with a level of comfort that may not have been granted by the one in crisis. Take for instance the encounter we had today.

The woman I met was very kind. She talked and asked probing questions about our lives and our children. Very kind. Then, Joshua took off his life vest (we were at the swimming pool) which revealed the spot where his port is placed. This kind woman asked what that was for and I explained the last year and a half of our life. She was kind enough to listen. She said she was sorry and mentioned she knew someone else going through the same thing. Then, it hit, the second thought. She said, "I have read about all the things that people feed their children that causes leukemia." What I heard was, "You fed Joshua things that caused his leukemia."

Once again the second thought gets someone in trouble. I know that this poor woman did not mean to do it, but I have spent the rest of the day going over what I fed Joshua in the first two years of his life. Did I start formula too soon? Did I start table food too soon? Did I then and now let him have too many sweets? These are the unnecessary questions that happened because of a second thought, even though I know the answers.

The lesson? Sometimes it's more about quality than quantity. Words are powerful things. I hope I'm learning to choose mine more carefully.

PS - nobody be afraid to talk to me any more, please.